Life is too good

*Originally posted HERE

Lately I've been thinking about how much time I spend on the computer. I'll be the first to (although ashamedly) admit that I have gmail, facebook, and blogger logged in and opened nearly all day when I'm home. It is a horrible addiction that I am determined to change. I'm tired of living a cyber life. I'm tired of always comparing my life with others.' I'm tired of reading about peoples' thoughts, rather than creating and thinking about my own. I'm tired of staring at a screen. I'm tired of letting precious minutes and hours pass by; time that I could be spending with my son. I'm tired of feeling like I have to compare my life to the "Mormon Mommy Bloggers."I'm tired of not progressing spiritually, physically, mentally. I'm tired of being stuck in a rut. 

Something has clicked. 

Things are going to change, whether I like it or not. 

Facebook is great. It really is. It is a great tool for me to use to stay connected with friends and family who are not close, and whom I rarely see or talk to. I love staying updated on friends' lives, love, babies, weddings, events. I love posting pictures and getting responses. I like asking questions and getting answers. I like being connected with friends.

On that note, I find it ironic that the more connected I am on facebook, the more disconnected I am in my real life. I want to have real friends. I want to get out and visit and talk to people and be a real friend. I hardly ever do things with my friends. With a few wonderful exceptions, I don't have real friends. I don't have people who call me up to visit, to chat, to go on walks, to have baby play dates.  

I know I am to blame. I am living a cyber life. I've had my fair share of "pity me" moments in my life, and I've learned very quickly that I am the only one who can make myself change. I have to be a real friend in order to have real friends. I'm ready to be a real, live, friend. 

I have listened to many inspired leaders talk about this very subject.

 I finally feel ready to make a change. 

On a slightly different note:

Do you ever find yourself jealous of others' lives? Maybe jealous isn't the right word... Well, whatever the word, I have really been wanting to learn. I want to learn to make things. I want to learn to cook (and learn to like it). I want to learn to crochet. I want to be a really great homemaker. I want to be witty. I want to be creative. I want to be a great writer. I want to be original. 

I often read peoples blogs and think, "I wish I could do that," or "how do they have time to do that," or "I wish I were as crafty as she is," blah blah blah....

I know I could do all of those things if I really wanted to. I know I would have plenty of time to do them if I'd get off the computer. I can be creative if I want to be. 

There's been a lot of hype about the Mormon Mommy Bloggers lately. The only one I've kept up with is Nienie. And I will be the first to admit that she is incredible. Her story is so inspiring. Sometimes I secretly wish I could have as great of an influence as she has had. Sometimes I make myself feel like blogging is a competition. I find myself too concerned with comments and the stats. I want people to read my blog. I want people to like it. I want them to like me. I'm silly, yes, I know. 

Sorry this post is scattered. I have too many thoughts at once and I don't know how to organize them. 

Let's make this Simple:

1. I spend too much time on the computer

2. I want to accomplish more every day. I want to cook, create, sew, read, write, andbe. 

3. I want to be a real friend, and I want real friends. 

I want to talk, visit, socialize, and do things with other people. 

4. Blogging is not a competition. Stats don't matter. Who am I trying to impress anyway?

Life is too good to let it pass by unnoticed. 

A Memory or Two

Do you ever get a feeling or a memory that you wish you could explain, but no amount of explanation would ever do it justice? A memory that makes you get a little twinge of sentimentality?

I had one of those today.

As I looked at this photo today, courtesy of Coastal Living, I had a flood of memories come into my mind. Memories of the beach, my childhood, and my family.

When I look at this photo I am 9 years old again. I can smell the ocean wind coming through the screen door. I can feel the sticky humidity on my skin as I walk outside, and the cool, dry blast of air conditioning as I come in. I can hear my family all around me, and I can see my brothers already running out to the beach to see who can jump in the water first. I can hear the North Carolina accents of my grandparents. I can see Grandaddy Roger sitting on the porch rocking chair, reading, thinking, looking and being.

I see the starfish in the window and I think of a sand dollar; they look similar you know. I remember the time I accidentally bit into a sand dollar that I spent hours trying to find. Sand dollars were the treasure of every summer. I remember crying about it because I was embarrassed, and because they are very hard to find.

When I look at the basket hanging on the door I think of the lunches GranBonnie used to pack for our days at the beach. She always made pimento cheese sandwiches--and none of the children ever ate them. I remember the smell perfectly. There were always Goldfish crackers in that basket. Grandaddy Roger always bought us a great big carton full of them.

When I see the mug on the table I think of the smell of coffee in the morning. I always knew that it wasn't good for me to drink, but I sure did love that smell.

For a moment, when I see the rock on the table I think of another memory from another place; I was with my dad along a river bank. I found a beautiful rock that I kept with me to always remind me of that special time I could spend with him; just the two of us. 

I'm grateful today to be able to remember wonderful times with people that I love so much. These memories are such a treasure to me.

November

It's cold today.
It's dark and windy and wet.
My baby is sleeping.
I want to hold him so I can be warmer.
He's a good personal heater.
Travel sized.
The heat isn't working.

Time to call the landlord.